LATEST NEWS

NEW REGIONAL OFFICE OPENED

We are delighted to announce that our new Regional office (South East) has opened and 83% of the career opportunities it offers have been filled.

Altogether we have successfully recruited 256 staff with a 50/50 split between men, women and unspecified.

The office suite comprises 28000 sq metres on six floors complete with a restaurant and gymnasium, plus secure parking for 180 cars and pushbikes and a helipad on the roof.

Altogether there are six meeting rooms plus a conference suite with ultra-fast broadband.

Alleged offender 2. Codename Deep Throat.

Alleged offender 1. Codename Beaky.

Central Office has devised a busy but exciting agenda for its new branch with innovative projects such as:

  • Monitoring of sandwich-snatching by seagulls.
  • Identification of over-confident/ rogue birds and reporting these to the authorities on a weekly basis. Seven prolific culprits have already been identified, electronically tagged and put on a round-the-clock watch list.
  • Assessment of risks to health posed by pedestrians attempting to stand on boxes and suchlike to gain a better view of parades, processions, marathons, yacht races and car chases. This danger was recently highlighted in the mainstream press yet met with a degree of ridicule, particularly in the tabloids. The Office is therefore planning a multimedia awareness campaign to highlight the problem.
  • In light of the above, a city-wide purge is to be carried out on ladder-usage where the ladders are found to have more than two rungs.
  • (Thanks to M. Wallinger for this image)

    Pebble-pinching is a growing menace in the area and the O for GI team is being charged with assigning a unique number to every stone on the beach. From spring 2020 the Office hopes that the authorities will be equipped to apprehend people suspected of stone theft and use the unique reference number to pinpoint the exact spot from which the item was stolen. Areas most at risk will then be closed off to the public.

  • An example of signage which could be adapted for a sea water scenario.

    Water quality remains a concern with many residents and tourists reporting that the sea water is too salty to drink in quantity. A desalination plant serving the entire area is currently being considered by the team and a report will be issued within three years. In the meantime, notices will be placed on the foreshore warning people that the water is not suitable for drinking.

The Office is currently investigating potential sponsorship for this signage from drinks manufacturers and supermarkets.

  • Traffic levels in the area are consistently high but the team is working hard to counter a demand for improved public transport. The main reason they are currently citing is that it would entail investment.
  • Although last winter was relatively mild and global warming appears to be accelerating, O for GI professionals are already planning next winter’s Rescue Our Wrinklies campaign. This will cover advising the elderly to wear more clothes when it’s cold, to remain indoors during adverse weather and that icy pavements are often slippery. A ‘Suppers on Sledges’ scheme is currently being considered with each meal consisting of at least ten portions of fruit and/or vegetables.
  • Recent research has indicated that sitting in a seat for several hours a day is hazardous to health. The Office is therefore launching a national campaign designed to encourage office managers to dispense with chairs altogether. The headline Save Lives – Chuck Out Your Chairs has been approved despite fierce opposition from furniture manufacturers.

JOB OPPORTUNITIES

Like the sound of the above? Want to get involved and do your bit for the well-being of the area, its inhabitants and visitors? Come and join us and share the glow that comes from Doing The Right Thing.

We’ve currently got exciting job opportunities for:

  • cleaners,
  • night watchpeople,
  • kitchen porters
  • cloakroom attendants.

All the above have the added benefit of complete flexibility as they are based on zero hours contracts. We believe that these positions will provide the basis for a worthwhile and rewarding career with the Office for Global Improvement. Contact us for an application form today.